I am in my 40s, the biggest of the four children, and the only single brother. My little brother lived with my parents until last year, my two other brothers lived abroad.
I always thought that at least two people would go home at Christmas. Until two years ago, my parents’ family had never had less than six Christmass. Last year, my two brothers and sisters abroad did not return home.
My brothers and sisters have not made any effort to talk to me in this regard. My mother told me that last Christmas will only be three of us. I now find that I will be the only one who has Christmas with my parents.
My mother said that she is very good about this, although I can’t help but think that she must be at least slightly hurt, so my problem is not even my parents’ feelings. My question is how sad and angry I am, I think I want someone to confirm whether these feelings are effective, or am I unfair/hysterical?
I want to be rational, but whenever I think of the second Christmas, only three of my people will burst into tears. I didn’t discuss this with my brothers and sisters because I was worried that I would make the situation worse. After all, our mother looks good, so what rights do a simple sibling have to despise (as I believe they have already pointed out), single and no children are mainly my own choices…even It’s really convenient for them to sometimes do this.
I think the answer lies in what you said in the long article: “After all, I have nowhere to go, so they can be sure that someone will be with our parents.” Your brothers and sisters have choices, you don’t think you have.
Your reaction is understandable, but it’s a bit extreme, and this is an inconsistency between the two points we need to focus on, because I think it’s not just about Christmas. At this time of the year, there are often places that are not satisfactory in our lives.
Sometimes we don’t like the way others behave because what they do is not good or fair. Sometimes we don’t like it because other people do or say what we want to do, but feel that we can’t do it. I think this is what happened here. You are the oldest, I want to know if this makes you feel responsible. I want to know if you feel that as your parents grow older, you will always step on it?
When people don’t tell us things often (as you say your brothers and sisters don’t tell you, go to their parents’ home for Christmas), usually because they are afraid of our reactions and what it will make them feel. In the case of your brothers and sisters, they may feel guilty or worried about being accused directly or through silence or any conversation.
What really impressed me is how childish your answer is, because your brothers and sisters didn’t “go home” for Christmas (I didn’t marry you because of you, many adults have the same feeling), and how do you think about it? Part of your family, your brother does not. In my opinion, your identity is still entangled with your eldest daughter’s place, and your brother has forged other identities of the father and husband.